God's Surprises

     Whilst writing a letter to my friend Lauren (it's her birthday today, just sayin'), I mentioned my excitement in her becoming the intern for our home church this summer. And then a flood of memories came back to me from last summer when I was an intern. God so beautifully placed that in my life; I can't even describe how perfect it just all was. Let me retell it just for fun...
     I had planned (even expected, silly me) to be an RA my upcoming sophomore, and so I applied the beginning of my second semester freshman year. It was a long process and I grew a bunch out of it (Thanks Jo). But it was ultimately God's will for me to not receive the RA job, and three days later I saw an opportunity in my church bulletin to be a youth group leader. I jumped at that opportunity, knowing it was what God wanted me to do instead of being an RA for the next year. I also decided that it would be good for me to get to know the students by going on a mission trip with them (to a city near where I live) over the summer. I also wanted to volunteer at a hospital over the summer. Those were my summer plans. They were not God's summer plans for me.
     I took my finals (rough times, as always) and I went home for the summer. My sister, Bekah, had the plans of being the intern for our church over the summer, and I was so excited for her. The internship seemed like a great opportunity, but I personally had plans on applying the following summer so that I could be a bit older and I could go on the international mission trip. But God knew me so much better than I knew myself.  One day I got a call from my youth group leader Tim asking if I would be interested in applying for the internship. In most cases, this would be too late for applying, but there was an opening. I asked my sister and my family, not quite sure if I would be impeding on Bekah's special summer. This was her thing, and I didn't want to ruin it by having her sister work with her. She gave me the okay, I applied, prayed about it, and everything set in place for me to become the intern for the summer. It was something I never would have expected for my summer, but I could not have planned it any better. The summer went by so fast and with so many fun memories. Bekah and I worked well together and it gave a great setting for our bible studies since we hosted them at our house together (pool party included). I can't speak for her, but I think we grew  closer and I miss her more this year at college than I did last year. I respect her advice and her relationship with the Lord and I admire her a lot. If I hadn't gone through the internship much of that would not have happened.
     I made so many relationships with the students; I learned how to give of myself when I felt as if I couldn't. I stepped into occasionally awkward and uncomfortable situations to reach out to the girls, and I learned to live without expectations (at least I tried to). All of these things helped me in preparation to be a youth group leader this year while at school, in which I'm still growing and learning. And then these things have prepared me (and still are prepping me) for my position as an RA next year. Ugh, isn't God so cool?!
     Looking at my summer this year, I would not have been able to do the internship because of the need to study every day for my MCAT exam (google that if you need to). It's cool to know that God knows my future and plans everything accordingly so that only the best happens for me. And He does that for everyone, in the coolest ways imaginable. I hope this encourages all you who read it, because I know it encourages me, knowing that when my plans fall through God's plans will succeed and be worth the fall of my desires. Thanks for reading, Happy Friday.

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us"
and just because this is a great verse
Philippians 3:10-11 "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

Oh the Places You'll Go

I got a hair cut yesterday. It was a lovely experience, I tipped the stylist way too much, and I'm not even sure I got what I wanted done (hair people speak a different language). Because of this I took a good look at myself in the mirror. And then I began asking questions, ones which I don't necessarily have the answers to just yet.
Who Am I?
Is this who I want to be?
Am I who my child self would have wanted to become?
Do I recognize myself?
Obviously, these questions at surface level (that's a pun) are pretty simple. Yes, I know who I am, yes, I recognize myself. But in reference to my soul these questions get much more complicated. I feel like I am constantly changing; from one month to the next I am different. And as I write this I notice that none of those questions take God's opinion of me into account. We even talked about that at my RA training this morning!
Sure, I'm an okay person. I do the right things most of the time, smile when I can, try to love people, blah, blah, blah. None of that stuff is bad by any means, but who am I doing that for? If I am honest, I am doing them to please my friends, to make more friends, to impress that guy I think is handsome, to appear perfect to those who don't know me, to feel better overall about myself. But I will tell you (if you don't already know) the purpose of all these things isn't for any of the people listed (not even the guy, gasp), it's for God. If my heart isn't acting in service and worship to God, then it's worthless.
Doesn't that kind of defeat the point of anything I do then? Why should I even ask questions about who I am? I think I should be asking the question rather, "Who should I be?" or "Who does God want me to become?" The obvious answer is, of course, Jesus. But there's more to it. I should be so much like Jesus and have him so involved in my life that there's nothing left of me. When I look in the mirror, I should see a reflection (albeit an imperfect and unclear one) of the man to whom I owe my life and all my love.
The step now is to admit that right now, I am not living that out. I'm a Christian and I have a desire to know God, but I need to start pursuing Jesus more than anything else in my life. I need to die to my hopes and dreams and ambitions, I need to die to my pride and my self-loathing and my judgmental attitude and my anger and my worry. No matter what happens to me and where I go, as long as I am do EVERYTHING in service to God, I will be content. Even if that means not getting the best GPA or having to deal with hard things or working through difficult relationships and an unsure future.
So what am I saying? I'm not really sure, only that God is good, I need to emulate him more every day, to let go of the sins and worries I hold so closely, and to my unknown future to my known God (stole that last quote, no biggie).